Shortly after hearing this story I find the "tickle monster" (aka myself) chasing my daughter around the house. She looks at me and says "Don't do that no more. Keep your hands to yourself, mommy." Oh. My. God. Darling, you have no idea how many times I've wanted to stomp my feet and demand no one lay a hand on me for 30 seconds. It's the fucking tickle monster - let's get this straight. I'm not grabbing onto you begging to be held. I'm not screaming at you from across the room to bring you some milk. I'm not using you as a trampoline to get attention. I'm not pulling, pinching or smacking you when I'm pissed off you won't give me what I want. None-the-less -- I can relate sister.
Clearly they say these things because they've learned them from us -- it's what we say to them. This is great, of course until it's used against us. I couldn't help but think about my wishful comeback to the smart ass comments that come from our kids...
Dear Child of Mine,
I hear what you're saying. Although we may disagree on many things, from time to time I do actually find myself agreeing with you. In this case, I couldn't agree more. I'm not sure I can do this much longer either. Please know you mean the world to me and I'd lay my life down for you in a second, but also please know that the rules to the game from here on out are changing.
I don't think I can change anymore shitty diapers.
I don't think I can cook you any more "special" meals because you don't like what's being offered. Hot dogs do not qualify as an intrical part of the food pyramid.
I don't think I can go one more day smelling like vomit and/or urine.
I don't think I can scarf down my meals in less than 3 minutes 46 seconds any longer.
I don't think I can go another day without wearing make-up.
I don't think I can sacrifice another nights sleep because you've had a nightmare, have a tummy ache or shoved your heel into the side of my face.
I don't think I can stomach the site of the purple fucking dinosaur one more time.
I simply don't think I can handle your incessant whining, complaining, needing, begging, pleading or demanding ANY LONGER.
I want to stand still, by myself for two minutes at least once a day. I want to take a few deep breaths and not be in demand every waking moment. I love you to death but I'm taking a sabbatical.
The Tickle Monster